Sharon's birthday!

Jim hopped out of bed, his eyes wide as he realized he hadn't gotten her a present yet. He jumped into and out of the shower, brushed his teeth, and ran a worn-out comb through his hair, and then

Jim picked up his phone and dialed Shanon's number. He waited for the phone to be picked up twelve rings. No answer. Odd. She is always home, especially for her own birthday. Maybe something happened to her...

Jim pulled into of Sharon's driveway, still wondering why she had not answered the phone. Noticing that her sport utility vehicle was not the drive (maybe she had to park around the corner, he thought), he became somewhat more concerned. Still, he figured it would turn out he'd just caught her in the shower or whatnot. He used his key to enter through her kitchen door. "Hey birthday girl! Guess who?" he called out loudly, but heard no response. "Sharon?" he said as he headed up the stairs to the second floor. "Hon?" he querried as he knocked softly and entered her bedroom. He found her bed empty; but then he noticed

Jim stumbled upon the note just as he finished the inspection of her room. His search had turned up nothing, and he was eager to find her.

The note said:

Jim, if you see this, you, as well as I, are in grave danger! I can't tell you much more. I'm being dragged away now. Just remember these words: Biotech breast expansion experiments. I don't know what they mean, but they sound important.

Sharon

Shocked, Jim thinks of a way to fix the situation.

Jim rushed outside and grabbed the first person he saw. "Please! You've got to help me! My girlfriend's been kidnapped by Biotech!!"

"Get away from me, you loon! Go home and sleep it off!" said the wino he'd grabbed, who pushed Jim to the ground.